[A Special Interlude Brought to You by: Me. Kazuki. The Victim.]

So.

While the universe continues to gaslight me with magical girlfriend flags I never asked for, I figured it's time to take stock of what I'm actually up against.

This isn't a normal high school romcom anymore.This is a full-ongenre survival scenario.

And if I'm the protagonist, I deserve to at least know everyone else's stats.

So here you go.

■ Character:Haruma Kazuki

Role:Supposed Protagonist.Curse:All inappropriate or genre-cliché thoughts become reality.

Stats

Power Level:0 (Mentally radioactive.)

Willpower:2/10 (Falls to temptation if there's a breeze.)

Romantic Awareness:-5 (Still believes girls just "being nice" is coincidence.)

Dangerous Thoughts per Day:7 (on a good day)

Survival Rating:Questionable.

Signature Move:"NO I DIDN'T MEAN TO THINK THAT"

Comments:

"I'm not the pervert, the curse is!"— Kazuki, while hiding from himself in a laundry basket.

■ Character:Aya Minazuki (a.k.a. Noona Next Door)

Role:Childhood friend / Roommate / The only adult in this situation.Archetype:Sweet Big-Sister Type... but with tired sarcasm and a snack drawer full of revenge.

Stats

Cooking Skill:8/10 (Accidentally domestic wife material.)

Teasing Power:12/10 (Weaponized smugness.)

Protectiveness:Secretly maxed out.

Attraction Awareness:100% (Knowsexactlywhat Kazuki's brain is doing.)

Danger Level:Rising. Fast.

Special Ability:

"Mental Whiplash" — delivers emotionally confusing compliments with a side of verbal slaps.

Comments:

"If I end up in a hot spring scene because of you, I'm putting wasabi in your shampoo."— Aya, 90% joking.

■ Character:Natsuki-sensei (a.k.a. Sensei of Doom)

Role:Homeroom teacher / Nurse impersonator / Reality's biggest enablerArchetype:Chill older woman + Dangerous tease

Stats

Casual Intimacy Level:9000

Home Invasion Frequency:Weekly

Outfit Danger Level:Contextually illegal

Teaching Skill:?? (Does she even still grade tests?)

Deadpan Power:S-class

Signature Move:

"Oh, did I make you uncomfortable? That's myjob."

Comments:

"It's not grooming if I'm just making miso soup."— Natsuki-sensei, terrifyingly sincere.

■ Character:Rika Kurose (a.k.a. Ice Queen with a Rice Cooker)

Role:Class rep / Perfectionist / Silent danger approachingArchetype:Kuudere with deeply buried dere

Stats

Organization Skill:10/10 (Can alphabetize your soul.)

Emotional Expression:3/10 (Blink twice if you're flirting.)

Unexpected Sweetness:Lethal

Text Message Power:Chills spine

Lunchbox Attack Damage:1-hit KO

Special Ability:

"Precision Dere Bomb" — drops one sweet line per day that keeps you awake until 3AM.

Comments:

"I researched nutritional balance for you. Not because I care. But because it was... annoying not to."— Rika, seconds before I forgot how to breathe.

■ Character:??? (a.k.a. The Brain Curse Itself)

Role:Villain. Or God. Or a badly coded wish.Function:Grants Kazuki's most inappropriate thoughts immediate reality-based consequences.

Stats

Logic Level:None

Timing:Perfectly awful

Narrative Sense:Feeds off tropes like fuel

Mercy Level:0

Estimated Origin:Bad sleep + anime marathons + teenage hormones

Signature Move:

"You Thought It? Now Suffer It."

Comments:

"You imagined a nurse in an apron. That's on you, bud."— Probably the curse.

Kazuki's Final Thoughts:I need a helmet for my thoughts.Or a spiritual exorcist.Or a genre shift to horror so I stop summoning fanservice events.

At this point, I'd even accept a sports arc. Just something where no one's clothes fall off.

Source: Webnovel.com, updated by lotustale.com